日记 1

星期二
07/10/2014

在观察自己当中，发现自己很多的行为动作，言行举止，等等。。。
原来这个星期的我，这么不断起伏。
一下子上天堂，一下有呆在地狱，还有站在人间上。

 今天，我明知道可以选择(i)通过地狱的道路，再到天堂或者是(ii)直接通往天堂的道路。 但是，我还是依然选择通往地狱的道路，再到美丽的天堂里。可能是一时的好奇，好玩或者是想体验地狱里的痛苦。自己既然成全别人去天堂，自己就只能活在地狱里，就不能去天堂。可是，自己太笨了？
上天很慈悲，就在这个时候就让我遇到一个知心朋友（她也有我的问题）。好让我自己有少许发泄的空间。她还给了我不少的正能量，让我自己勇敢的面对一切。觉得自己有点幸福~
“就想想自己拥有的，不想自己没有的。” 生活就变得更加精彩了~

第二， 我发现自己很喜欢画画。可是，我一定要为我之前做的决定负责任。就决定走向前吧！也去迎接美丽的人生咯~ 哈哈 =D

Chapter 6: Non-Verbal Communication

                     What is non-verbal communication? Nonverbal communication is communication without words including gestures, touch, raising your voice, even to the clothes you wear, how you smell, etc...
Non-verbal communication conveys more meaning than verbal communication.

1. Integrating Non-Verbal and Verbal Messages

            (i) Accent
                When someone warn you something very serious, that person will raise he/she voice to you. I
               think they will raise their voice to someone when they are getting mad in some situation. Such as,
               teacher and student.

            (ii) Complement
                 When frown you head when recounting someone's deceit  (to suggest your dispproval).
       
            (iii) Contradict
                   Sometimes, I thinks everyone may deliberately contradict your verbal messages with nonverbal                      movements.

             (iv) Regulate
                   I always purse my lips (almost everytimes) to indicate that I want to speak when I chat with                          family, friends and etc...
                       
             (v) Repeat
                  "What we want to eat today?", this question is totally happen after class. We just repeat asking                      this question many times approximately 30 minutes and hand gestures.

              (vi) Substitute
                    I believe we use nonverbal communication to substitute or take the place of verbal messages.
                    For example, "Understand ?", the lecturer asked, you can nod your head to substitute that you                       clear about the lecturer thought.    



2. Forming and Managing Impressions

Chapter 10: Small Group Communication

   Date: 16 July 2014
     Day: Wednesday

     Time: 5.00pm - 6.30pm

 I have some example in real life for this subtopic about ''Power in the Small Group". Power is something that you can control someone's behavior. There six types of power in all relationship.

 (i) Legitimate Power
     Legitimate power is power you derive from your formal position or office held in the organization hierarchy of authority. For example, the president of a corporation has certain powers because of the office he holds in the corporation. In facts, our parents are having legitimate power over their children. So,maybe will control them (sometimes). This power always comes from the leadership roles people occupy.

(ii) Referent Power
      You have this power in this small group when another person follow you. Due to that person is impressed with your attitude, capabilities and personality.

(iii) Reward Power
      by Positive Reinforcement.
      For example, I have reward power over my friends , if I have the ability to give my friends rewards.              (such as, i will photostat the notes or tutorial questions paper to my friends)

(iv) Coercive Power
      by Negative Reinforcement & Punishment
      This power is gotten through threatening others.
      For instance, if you get low marks in your exam, I going to confiscate your iPhone.

(v) Expert Power
     by Establishing yourself as the Expert in the Context.
     Someone will listen your instruction because you are expert in specific field
     For example, Lily are good in designing, so our assignment will follow her instruction when doing the              design part of the assignment.

(vi) Information Power
      by Establishing yourself as the person can Communicate and Inform the best.
      This type of power is normally referred to someone who can persuade others.
      For instance, politician have an idea to talk in front of people and at the same time, people can get                 influence by his/her speech.

Opinion:
In a small conclusion, I always be force or automatically be a leader in a small group (isn't I too responsibility???) . =="
This is one of the worse that I did in my life. T.T
Sorry, sir. I really can't finish the blog >.<

Chapter 7 & 8 Interpersonal Communication

What is interpersonal communication?
Interpersonal communication is the process by which people exchange information, feelings and meaning through verbal and non-verbal message.
Interpersonal communication is not just about what is actually said the language used but how it is said and the non-verbal messages sent through tone of voice, facial expression, gestures and body language.




                                                          The Conversation Process

       There five steps of conversation process. There are opening, feedforward, business, feedback and closing.
        Opening always involves some kind of greeting. Such as, in
face-to-face conversation and in
e-mail. Greeting can be involves verbal and non-verbal but usually are involves both.
          Feedforward is the second step of conversation. One function is to open channels of communication. The next function of feedforward is to preview future messages.
          The next conversation process is business. To directed at achieving some goal. In conversation, you conduct this business through an exchange of speaker and listener roles.
           Feedback is the reverse of the second conversation process. We usually do this in face-to-face conversation and your response to a previous e-mail.
          The last conversation process is closing. Closing have the intention to end the conversation. Different cultures have different rules and custom in conversation.

                                                        Principle of Conversation

1. Principle of Turn-Taking

    (i) Turn-maintaining
           -Speaker wish to maintain the role of speaker.
           - Paralanguage, Eye contact
     (ii) Turn-yielding
           - Speaker finished talking and wishes to exchange the role of speaker for the role of  listener.
           -Gestures, verbal
      (iii) Turn-requesting
            - Listener is ready to speak.
            - Paralanguage
       (iv) Turn-denying
            - Listener wish to maintain the role of listener.
            - Shaking head, looking away


2. Principle of  Dialogue

           Dialogue is a conversation between two or more person. Those people will share messages to one another. Dialogue involves speaker and listener; sender and receiver. It indicates an interaction rather than just a conversation.


3. Principle of Immediacy

                        Immediacy is the most effective conversation. Immediacy is the creation of closeness, a sense of togetherness, of oneness, between speaker and listener. When you communicate immediacy you convey a sense of interest and attention, a liking for an attraction to other person.

Chapter 9: Friends, Lovers & Families

         




           First of all, I think everyone have the three common and important relationships in our lives. The three major types of relationships is friendships, romantic relationships and family relationships.

         


...................................................................................................................................................................



       



            As with any relationship, friendships bring support and joy and occasionally strife. Friendship is an interpersonal relationship between two persons that is mutually productive and characterized by mutual positive regard (such as trust, emotional support and sharing interest).
   
     







In fact, every friendship are different. Somehow people don't know how to distinguish among the three major types of friendships.
          The first types of friendship is the friendship of reciprocity. In my opinion, this types of friendship is the most perfect of friendship. This friendship is characterized by loyalty, self-sacrifice, mutual affection and generosity. This types of friendship is also based on equality. Every person will share equally in giving and receiving the benefits and rewards of the relationship.
            The second types of friendship is the friendship of receptivity. This types of friendship is an imbalance in giving and receiving. One person is the primary giver and one the primary receiver. This is the friendship tat may develop between teacher and students or between doctor and patient. That's a difference in status is essential for the relationship of receptivity to develop.
           The friendship of association is  a transitory one. It can be described as a friendly relationship. There no great loyalty, no great trust, no great giving and receiving. For example, classmates, neighbors, coworkers.

     
   Furthermore, there a few of reasons that we seek out and close relationships. The first reason is utility. Individual who may have some special talents, skills or resources that can help you achieve your specific goals and needs. For instance, those who good in English may teach you that subject.
            Affirmation is individual who affirm your personal value and help you to recognize your attributes. For example, someone who would help you look more clearly your leadership abilities.
            The next reason is ego support. Individual who behave in supportive and encouraging and helpful manner. For example, you will look friendships with people who will help you view yourself as worthy.
            Stimulation is someone introduces you to new ideas and help you expand your worldview
             The last reason is security. Individual who does nothing to hurt you or to emphasize or remind attention to your weaknesses.


           We can distinguish three main stages of friendship development. The first stage of friendship
development is obviously an initial meeting of some kind (Initial contact and acquaintances). The first and important impressions are formed. Important to stay open and welcoming of the presence of your new acquaintance.
               Then, each others will slowly become casual friendship. In this second stage, the dyadic consciousness will takes place. Sometimes, each others will doing somethings together.
               In this last stage of close and intimate friendship, there an intensification of the casual friendship. The most intimate forms of togetherness.

             The friendship will be influenced by your culture, gender differences and technology. In short, different cultures can be bring about a different meaning to friendships and relationships. Obviously, friendships are closer in collectivist cultures than individualist cultures. Members of collectivist culture are more better and having more friends than individualist cultures. On the other hands, members of individualist cultures are more having a desire to excel than other people. In their minds, they think that the less friends they have, the more chance of getting a promotion on workplace.
             

Chapter 5 :Verbal Messages

     Date: 28 May 2014 - 10 June 2014
     Day: Tuesday & Wednesday
     Time: 12.30pm - 2.00pm @ 5.00pm - 6.30pm

                
                   There are some principles of verbal messages. (i) The first principle of verbal messages is message meanings are in people. We should uncover and understanding that message meanings, we need to look into people and not merely into words. Different people will say different things, but mean the same thing. In addition, different people will say the same things but different meaning. For instance, "I love the color green" and "green color make me happy". This two examples is same meaning but use the different words. In contrast, "I hate chocolate" and "I love M&Ms". This two examples is using the same thing but it is totally different meaning. This is called bypassing. Bypassing is the miscommunication pattern which occurs when the sender and the receiver miss each other with their meanings.

(ii) The second principle of verbal messages is message/language are denotative and connotative. Denotative refers to the meaning we have find in a dictionary. It's the meaning that word's objective definition. Connotative refers to the emotional meaning or subjective. For example, (denotative) red is of a color at the end of the spectrum next to orange and opposite violet, such as blood, rubbies, rose. (connotative) red is represent bravery, China's flag, fire, etc. In fact, connotative can be divide by two categories. That are snarl words (to describe people that are highly negative) and purr words (to describe people that are highly positive).

(iii) The third principle of verbal messages is messages depend on context/ abstraction. The same words or behaviors may have  a completely different meanings when they occur in different context. For instance, the greeting "How are you?" means "Hello" to someone we pass regularly on the street, however means "Is your health improving?" when we said to a friend in the hospital. (iii)(a) Meanings are culturally influenced :
            (1) Principle of cooperation (four maxims)
            The maxim of quality (be truthful, do not lie), the maxim of relation ( talk about what is relevant to
            the conversation, the maxim of manner (be clear, brief and organized) and the last is the maxim of
            quantity (be informative).
           (2) Principle of peaceful relations
           The principle holds that when we communicate our primary goal is to maintain peaceful relationships.
          (3) Principle of face-saving
           Face-saving messages are those that preserve the image of the other person and do nothing to insult
           the person or make him or her appear in a negative light.
          (4) Principle of self-denigration
            To avoid taking credit for accomplishments and to minimize our abilities or talents in conversation.

(iv) The next principle of verbal messages is messages vary in politeness. Politeness reflect positively on the other person and respect the other's person right to be independent and autonomous.
            (1) Politeness and Directness
            -Directness are usually less polite than indirect messages. Direct messages may infringe on a person's
              need to maintain negative face.
            -Indirectness messages are always more polite is because they allow the person to maintain
            autonomy and provide an acceptable way for the person to refuse your request (therefore still
            helping to maintain the person's negative face needs). Indirectness messages allow you to express a
            desire without insulting or offending anymore.

(v) Messages vary in assertiveness is also one of the principles of verbal messages. Assertive people are more positive and score lower on measures of hopelessness than do non-assertive people. They are willing to asserts their own rights They will speak their minds and welcome other's doing likewise.Some suggestions for communicating assertiveness:
               (1) Describe the problem
                     - Don't evaluate or judge it. must be sure to use I-messages and avoid messages that accuse or                         blame the other person.
               (2) State how this problem affects you
                     - Tell the person how is your feelings.
               (3) Propose solutions
                     - Suggest solutions that are workable and that allow the person to save face.    
               (4) Confirm understanding
                     - Make sure your message is understood.

(vi) The last principle of verbal messages is messages can deceive. Lying refers to act of sending messages with the intention of giving another person false/untrue information. There four types of lies:
               (1) Pro-social Deception: To Achieve Some Good.
                    - For example, praising a person's effort to give him or her more confidence or tell others they
                      look great to simply make them feel good.
               (2) Self- Enhancement Deception: To make Yourself Look Good (but not all self-enhancement                                                                                                                           involves deception)
                    - Such as, you might mention your good grades but omit the poor ones or present yourself as a
                       lot more successful than you really are.
               (3) Selfish Deception: To Protect Yourself
               (4) Anti-Social Deception: To Harm Someone


            The next key topics is disconfirmation and confirmation. Disconfirmation is completely ignoring the sender's message and his/her presence. On the other hand, confirmation involves your acknowledging the presence of the other person, the person's importance and your acceptance of this person. In rejection, you disagree with the person. You indicate unwillingness to accept something the other person says or does. There are 4 areas affected by disconfirmation and confirmation :-
            (a) Racism
                 - Racist language expresses racist attitudes. However, contributes to the development of racist                        attitudes in those who use or hear the language. Racism exists on both individual and institutions                    levels, a distinction made by educational researchers and used throughout this discussion.
                 - There are a few guidelines on racist messages:-
                        * Avoid disconfirming or confirming to statements or message because of skin colour.
                        * Do not insult or attribute other according to race or cultural beliefs
                        * Do not generalize and connect extremist attacks
           
            (b) Sexism
                   - Individual sexism consists of prejudicial attitudes and beliefs about men or women based on rigid beliefs about gender roles.
                 
To be continue ^_^...

Chapter 4: The Self

     Date: 27 May 2014
     Day: Tuesday
     Time: 12.30pm - 2.00pm


                 Today, I rushed from English Foundation class to Human Communication class. Before I enter the Human Communication class, I went to buy a wafer for my lunch. In fact, I didn't late to attend to the class. Then, the lecturer taught us about "The Self" today. I remembered this chapter (Human Communication) is almost same chapter (Psychology of Adjustment [The Self in a Social World]) that I learned before (my first semester).

                 "What is "Self"?", the lecturer asked. As a easy explanation, self means individual. The "self" can also be deemed as the method in which communication and interpretation of messages takes place within the individual. The "Self" can be divided 4 concept of self. There are self-concept, self-awareness, self-esteem and self-disclosure.

                 Furthermore, self-concept is how you feel and think about yourself. It is also an organized collection of belief about the self. That are concerned with one's personality traits, abilities, physical features, values, goals and social roles.
                 There are some factors shaping the self-concept. The first factor shaping the self-concept is social comparison. Social comparison is that we often compare and adjust our image and thinking with the way society acts and thinks. For example, if society think it is cool to have a shaven head, chances are we might follow it. The second areas that affects self-concept is other's images of you. Other's images of you means the individuals compare themselves with others in order to assess their abilities and opinions. For example, "how was it?". The third areas that affects self-concept is self Interpretations and evaluations. Looking at your progress, development and learning to determine what has improved and what areas still need improvement. Your self-interpretation and evaluations are your standards that applies to your ethical and moral reasoning, beliefs and comprehension and conformity of things around you. Self-concept is also shaped by cultural teachings. Your culture instill in you a variety of beliefs, values and attitudes about such things as success. Culture guidelines also affect the way people see themselves.

                  Moreover, self-awareness is one of the first components of the self-concept to emerge. While self-awareness is something that is central to each and every one of us, it is not something that we are acutely aware of at at every moment of every day. A process of discovering your personal development and understanding. The process is not only limited to the individual but also for others around you that will help you to become self aware about your own ability.
             

                                                     ###The Four Selfs - Johari Window:

                                                        by : Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham

                          The four different windows explains different parts of our selves that we know ourselves, others know better than we do, some remain hidden from others and some totally unknown to you or anyone.
                           (1) Open arena (Open self) known to self and others. For example, I like my watch because I wear watch everyday and I also tell everyone I like my watch.
                           (2) Facade (Hidden self) known to self but unknown to others. For example, I am afraid of cockroach but I never show it.
                           (3) Blind Spot (Blind self) unknown to self but known to others. For instance, Some may touch hair, rub nose or touch face when they feel nervous.
                           (4) Unknown (Unknown self) unknown to self and others. For instance, we don't know about our future husband or wife.
                            There are some examples for growing in self-awareness.The examples of growing in self-awareness are listen to others (become a good listener), increase your open self, seek information about yourself and dialogue with yourself.

                         Besides that, self esteem means confidence or the level of trust or assurance to yourself. Self-esteem can involve a variety of beliefs about the self, such as the appraisal of one's own appearance, beliefs, emotions and behaviors.

                         How to increase your self-esteem?  The way of increase your self-esteem is attack self-destructive belief , seek out Nourishing people, work on project that will result in success, remind yourself of your success and secure affirmation.
                         The lecturer also asked us to write down 10 examples of high self-esteem and low self-esteem on the white board.\

                          Lastly, self-disclosure is an act of telling others about things that they wouldn't know about you (telling your hidden self). Self-disclosure forms a significant part of being true to our "self" and making sure we are happy with our lives.
                          There are five factors influencing self disclosure. The factors influencing self disclosure are (1) who you are, (2) your culture, (3) your gender, (4) your listener- small group of large group and (5) your topic and channel.
                            The advantages of self-disclosure is gaining confidence, be more truthful about yourself and make or strengthen friendships and relationships.
                             The disadvantages of self-disclosure is lost of friends and trust, additional pressure and burden and living with regret.      
                         


To be continue ^_^...